Bizarre. That’s the only word I can think of that sums up the past two weeks. With the onset of the Coronavirus (COVID-19) here in the US, it feels like we’ve all be catapulted into the deep end of an apocalypse. And those two weeks? It feels more like two months. Or two years. Time is just an abstract concept now and please don’t ever expect me to know what day it is ever again.
In all seriousness though, the situation right now is terrifying. In part, because a deadly virus is rapidly spreading, killing people at an alarming rate, and there are loads of people who still aren’t taking it seriously. But also because everything is just so uncertain. No one fully understands the magnitude of this, or what will happen next. Every day brings a new development we didn’t see coming, and some days, those developments are happening every few hours. It’s completely overwhelming, to say the least.
As someone who suffers from anxiety, the past couple of weeks have been an absolute nightmare. Knowing that we’re going through a defining moment in world history; knowing that tens of thousands of people are dying from something we don’t understand; knowing that we have so little control over what’s going on; and knowing we have to deal with all of this in self-isolation is agonizing. To add insult to injury, the idiot president and his swamp monsters have so badly mishandled our response and misled the public, that it’s left our country demoralized and on the brink of economic collapse.
I am one of the fortunate ones. I have a secure job that I won’t lose if the economy crashes. I’m able to telework safely from home, and don’t have to juggle that with suddenly homeschooling kids. I live in a state with a Governor whose administration is taking this seriously and being transparent with all of us about what’s going on. I had plenty of food and toilet paper before this all happened (and still do). I have high-speed internet so I can video chat with loved ones and I have two adorable, furry coworkers to keep me company. As inconvenienced as I am, I am grateful for all these things.
If the projections are right, this will be our new normal for a while. And one thing all the experts seem to agree on is this: things are only going to get worse before they get better. So what do we do? How do we handle it? How do we keep ourselves sane and grounded, when our world has been turned upside down with no end in sight, and it feels like a panic attack or depression could strike at any moment?
Those are just a couple of the questions I posed to my therapist last week. Thankfully, we were already having virtual appointments, so we’re still able to meet regularly, even while we both self-isolate. Her advice was simple, approachable and so far, has proved very helpful for me. So I thought I’d share it here in the hopes that someone else finds it helpful as you adjust to this new normal too.
Creating Structure
You’ve probably heard this one already, but it’s true. Creating structure and sticking to a daily routine will not only help you be more productive if, like me, you’ve suddenly found yourself teleworking for the first time, but it will also make it feel like time is passing quicker.
My therapist (let’s call her ‘G,’ for short) recommended developing a daily schedule using a spreadsheet or a calendar. I’m using Google Sheets – there’s a great schedule template already, and I can access it anywhere from my phone. But if you prefer Excel/Outlook or your iPhone calendar, you do you. If it’s not too overwhelming, break your day into 30-minute increments. If that seems like too much, hour-by-hour is fine. Again, do what works best for you.
Once you’ve got a blank schedule in front of you, block out time for the following things, in the following order:
- When you’ll wake up and go to sleep.
- Meal times. (Include prep/cleanup or driving time if you’re getting curbside takeout from your favorite local restaurant.)
- Self-care time, at least a few times a day. This can range from as little as 5 minutes to several hours. Things like exercise, meditation, gardening, chores, playing with your kids or pets, reading, TV, video chats/phone calls with loved ones, showering, etc.
- Work time. Make sure you leave enough time for all your required hours, but if you have the first three things blocked out first, work will get broken up and should feel less overwhelming and/or monotonous.
Don’t forget to block out your weekends too. You don’t necessarily have to be as rigid in sticking to a schedule on weekends, but it helps keep things consistent, which is great for kids and people with anxiety (like me!) who do better with a plan for things.
I actually really enjoyed this exercise. It was kind of eye-opening to see just how much I can accomplish in a day if I pay attention. And because I’m not commuting, I have time to fit in some things I’ve always wanted to incorporate into my routine – morning stretching and mediation, working out on my lunch hour, making time to play with my (extremely needy and whiny) cats, and spending quality time outside every day.
I’m just finishing up Day 4 of my new schedule and it’s been pretty great. I’ve had to adjust a few things as work meetings got rescheduled at the last minute, but overall, I feel like I’ve been super productive. I’m sleeping really well, waking up easier, and feel a lot less anxious about not knowing what to expect during the pandemic, because I do know what to expect during my day. Also because I’ve blocked out time every day for things that help relieve my stress like meditation, exercise and sunshine.
Set Boundaries
This is so important, especially if you’re holed up with other people. Unfortunately, I don’t have much advice for you on this. I live alone with two cats who don’t understand the concept of boundaries, so I didn’t really discuss it with G. But there is a ton of good information on it out there. Happy Googling!
Because I work in Communications, one boundary we did talk about establishing was with social media. And since so many people I know are plugged in right now, I think it’s worth sharing. With an ever-developing situation that seems to change dramatically every day – sometimes every hour – we’re all dealing with a pretty serious case of FOMO these days. It’s understandable, but we also know what a complete time-suck social media can be. It can also be incredibly distracting when you’re trying to get work done.
So here’s the strategy I’m taking – a combination of G’s advice and my own ideas:
Designate specific times to check your social media. For me, this means once an hour, for no more than 5 minutes. It doesn’t seem like much, but between text threads with friends who are plugged in, and signing up for alerts on a few news apps I trust, I won’t miss anything really important.
When your time is up, specifically seek out content that makes you happy and make sure it is the last thing you look at before logging out. This was G’s recommendation- and it’s a good one. A lot of the content we’re seeing right now is confusing, infuriating, or causes more anxiety, so it’s important to end things on a positive note. For me, these are accounts featuring friends, animals, food, nature, and memes.
Unplug from social media at night when you’re relaxing. Binging reruns of your favorite sitcom isn’t going to help you relax if the latest misinformation from the White House or photos of college coeds trying to prove Darwin right on Spring Break have you screaming into the void.
Full disclosure: This whole section is still a work in progress for me. Social distancing myself from social media has proven to be a lot harder than I’d hoped. Between FOMO and feeling a bit lonely in the apartment by myself, it’s really hard to resist the urge to “connect” with the outside world 24/7. But I’ll keep trying.
Another boundary I have successfully established: I stopped watching the daily briefing from the Chump Administration. I haven’t watched since last Friday, and I have to say it’s one of the best decisions I’ve made so far. When I do check my social media, I still get the bullet points of what was said and who lied about what, but I spend a lot less time cussing at the walls.
Socializing in Isolation
This is definitely going to be huge for me. As a very outgoing person, the idea that I may not be able to see my friends for months – or possibly visit my family this summer – is devastating to me. I certainly appreciate a healthy amount of “me time” – it’s why I live alone. But I’ve never spent weeks, or even months, by myself.
So here’s G’s advice for staying close with loved ones while maintaining social distance:
Phone Calls/Video Chats. Pretty much everyone is doing this already. If you’re one of those people who doesn’t like to FaceTime, get used to it! Everyone is home (hopefully!), so it’s a great time to catch up with people you haven’t talked to in a while. I’m on Day 11 and this is the only reason I’ve made it this far without going absolutely batshit. Virtual Happy Hour has become my second favorite thing, after FaceTime with my favorite kiddos.
In-Person Social Distancing. People kind of over-did this last weekend, so I’m hesitant to recommend it, so please be responsible. Grab a few friends (and I mean a few – as dictated by the Stay at Home order in your area) and “meet up” in a large, open space like a park or nature preserve. Drive separately and bring your own blanket/snacks. Maintain at least six feet of social distance at all times. Have a picnic or just enjoy the fresh air “together” while maintaining enough space to keep everyone safe.
My friends and I did this on Saturday. We stayed a safe distance apart, set up our blankets in a corner of the park where there were no other people, and drove in separately. There were six of us. Bottom line with this: use common sense and be considerate of those around you. If you don’t, parks and open spaces will close, and our options for fresh air and sunshine will dry up like our social lives.
Play games. There are loads of online games you can play with other people. Is Words with Friends still a thing? If you’re isolating with other people, you can play board games or card games too.
The other night, my friends and I had a Game Night on Zoom. The host pulled up a game called Jackbox (trivia and some other silly stuff) on his screen (he just pointed a laptop at his TV and turned up the volume so we could all hear). The rest of us were able to play the games using our cell phones to submit answers from home.
Watch movies together: Netflix has a new option to stream a movie simultaneously among homes, so you’re all watching the same thing at the same time. I’m guessing we’ll see something similar from other streaming providers in the weeks/months ahead. I haven’t tried it yet, but it seems like a cool idea.
Sign up for dating apps. I normally wouldn’t recommend this because I’m convinced that if Dante were still around, he’d amend his Inferno to include a Tenth Circle of Hell exclusively for this bullshit and maybe even an Eleventh Circle for Tinder alone. But if anything is going to force a bunch of lazy people on apps designed for short attention spans to actually have real conversations with each other, this is probably it. Or you’ll just get a bunch of unwanted photos from dudes who are home alone and horny. So maybe not such a great idea. Never mind.
Focus on Today
Ultimately, there’s only so much we have control over right now. We don’t know what’s going to happen or how our leaders will handle it. So instead of going down the rabbit hole of fatalistic thinking, just focus on today. What you’re going to do, how you feel, and what you can control. To the extent possible, try to stay in the present as much as possible, rather than worrying about the future.
For me, that means trying not to think about the fact that I may not get a hug from anyone for months. Or that I may not be able to visit my family on the East Coast this summer. And not thinking about those things is really hard. But as G told me, “if you go down that path, that’s a recipe for depression.” So I focus on what I do have – more FaceTime opportunities with my nephew, more snuggles with my cats, and the cleanest apartment I’ve maybe ever lived in.
Eleven days in, and I’m doing okay so far. I hope you are too. If not, I’m just a phone call/video chat away. I hope you find some of this helpful in navigating this bizarre, alternate universe we find ourselves in. Because even though we can’t actually be together, we’re all in this together.
Amy Mac in Sac 